mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
