Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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