just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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