it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
