It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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