New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize