I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
