Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
