He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
