my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Four minutes until I can fart!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
