It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
