I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize