that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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