so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
