So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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