Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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