I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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