I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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