so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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