My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
