He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize