I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's like iHOP with fire
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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