she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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