This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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