ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
