my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
