Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
