i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
