i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
