About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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