biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
