How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
