i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
