Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I will pee on everything he values.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
