I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
