You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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