Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
