Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
