is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
