thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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