new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
