i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
