Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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