just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
