do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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