he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
