I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
