What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
