I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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