The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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