I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
