and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
