I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
