Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
