If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
