You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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