Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
