1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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