Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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