just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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