I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
