listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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