everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
